[you describe your insides in a roundabout way]

November 2019

in the mornings you drink one cup
of coffee after the other like it’s nothing
i haven’t seen you go to work without
emptying the pot for at least a month
you say it’s because you can’t stand
the tiredness anymore

the one that – as you claim – has recently
changed shape and is now an impatient
and dangerous thing or at least blurs
the borders between everything and i don’t
even understand what that means except
i remember that last week you stumbled
through the apartment your eyes half-closed
and said that you couldn’t feel the inside
of your skin not even the winter air outside
was able to rectify that

you didn’t wear a jacket at all for the next three
days and refused any medicine for the flu
now that you’re well again you pretend
that none of it happened and the weather
seems to agree with you:

it is colder now more precise and kind of
somber but something in your eyes
won’t adapt they are a lot
more unfocused now and the caffeine
doesn’t help although you’ve stopped
sleeping completely you’re dragging yourself
every step of this way and you’re not
even sure if you’ll recognize the end
when you see it